yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
