This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
