He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
