is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
