I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
