I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
