the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
