I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
