butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
