It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My first STD was from a foam party
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
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she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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