last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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