this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
