my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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