omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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