Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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