this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
