i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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