I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
