I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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