i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
