I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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