Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is wine microwaveable?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
