Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
