there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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