shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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