uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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