Im at strip club and am horny
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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