thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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