I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
