Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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