i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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