I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
