dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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