I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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