I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone came in the potted fern
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
