I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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