I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
