Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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