I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think your dad took our porno
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
