do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
