Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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