Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
