i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
