he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
