i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
