are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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