Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
