did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Farmville is her only friend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
