the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Less talking, more tequila
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
