She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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