Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
worst night to have a conscience
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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