Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
