Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
