apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
