I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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