carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
