Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
