ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
