I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
