theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
