if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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