He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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