i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
