ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
