so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
