Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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