There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
