butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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