this beer tastes like vomit already
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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