this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
