I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
