I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
did you just send me my own nude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
