Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
