I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
