doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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