barbara walters just said penis...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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