I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
