That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
