Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
