she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
