Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
