The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
