She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
